The Sam Verse

Habit	Description	Daily Time
🏋️ Physical Strength	20-minute daily bodyweight routine (pushups, squats, planks)	20 min
✍️ Journaling	Write 1 page daily. Title: “Who am I becoming?”	10 min
❄️ Cold Water Face Splash	Morning & night. Shocks the system. Builds discipline.	2 min
⏳ No Porn for 7 Days	Start small. Note urges. No shame, just observe.	Mental
💬 One Bold Act Daily	Speak up once a day. Eye contact, say “No,” raise your voice if needed.	2 min

My name is MD Sameer Raza.

I was born in a middle-class Muslim family in a village in Bihar, India. In the early days, we were lower middle class, and over time, we moved up slightly, but we’ve always remained middle class.

Growing up in a village, the idea of a "city" felt mythical — something like New York or London. I come from a family where my father and his two brothers have a total of seven daughters and just one boy — me. No older brother, no younger brother — just me.

I don’t know why, but from the beginning, I always felt the desire to be alone. Maybe it was nature, maybe it was society, but I often found myself on the sidelines. In school, I usually sat alone or with one inconsistent friend. On the bus, I’d sit at the back, next to the window, just watching the world — never speaking, never interacting. I was far from girls too — not just emotionally, but psychologically. I never had the confidence to approach them, and maybe society played a part in that.

I never really participated in sports. I never led anything. I was always that “nice guy” — submissive, always seeking validation, always wanting to be accepted, always living under someone else’s shadow.

In Class 7, I joined DPS Sitamarhi Hostel — a place where I opened up about 70% of myself. I had a consistent friend, Siddhjyoti. My roommates included Vineet, Rajmohan, Munna, Raj, Adarsh, Anam Aftab, and Ashish. I also remember classmates like Sahil, Pintu, Anurag, Manish, and teachers like Jolly Ma'am and Soni Ma'am. I recall some names from DAB too — Shivam Mukulanand, Richa, and Shivani.

Somewhere around Class 6, I was introduced to porn by seniors. I didn’t even know what it was. I was shocked, even fascinated, and eventually began masturbating. My hostel friends taught me how. We even did it together as a group once. That was the start of what became a long-term porn addiction. Even without videos, I’d masturbate to images or imagination, often daily.

I recall a vivid day in my Nani's home during a wedding. The mango trees outside our house dropped so many fruits that people would eat and throw the seeds on the neighbor’s roof. I went up there one hot sunny day and started lining up all the seeds neatly, getting a strange satisfaction from the quiet and loneliness. My mom yelled at me, and I was scared. But deep down, I was just enjoying solitude.

After Class 7, I moved to Muzaffarpur with my mother. My father worked in the Gulf, and for most of my life, I lived without him. He'd come home once or twice a year. It always felt like I was living the life of a fatherless son.

Now in a house with internet and a smartphone, my addiction grew. Porn, images, fantasies — it became a loop. I watched and masturbated almost daily, even to this day.

I later joined DPS Muzaffarpur, but I was still skinny, insecure, and submissive. I didn’t know how to fight bullies or stand up for myself. I had no solid friends. I feared people — teachers, family, strangers. I feared everyone. I had a friend named Ridham Raj in Class 9 who stayed close. Siddhjyoti remained a long-distance friend too. I’ve never been good at maintaining long-term, emotional friendships.

In every stage of life, there was fear:

As a child: fear of elders.
In school: fear of teachers.
In college: fear of teachers and society.
In the world: fear of rejection, fear of gangsters, fear of ridicule.

I couldn’t fight back, I couldn’t stand up. I wasn’t powerful — just a silent observer, always adapting, never resisting.

After 10th, I chose Biology, thinking I’d become a doctor. But really, I was competing with a cousin who took Math. I wanted to prove I was better. I failed NEET twice (129 and then 336 out of 720), then switched to Math and gave JEE, but only got 86 percentile. Two years wasted.

I always felt like I was falling behind. I'm 23 now, but my official age is 21. I feel pressure. Everyone's building careers, and I’m stuck. I chose a private college with a huge fee (15–16 lakh). A heavy burden on my family.

In college, I met people like Subham, SK, Preeti, and Jaya. Among them, Atif stood out. He never criticized me. When I said I had a dream, he said, “Okay, you’ll make it. How will you do it?” Others laughed, mocked. Some friends felt like blood-sucking mosquitoes. Some were cocky, egoistic, racist even.

One guy — Suction — was so arrogant, so cruel in his words, it still lingers in my mind. If I could hang him for how he treated others, I would. His words were venom: "You’re poor, you’ll stay poor." "You’re black, you’re cursed." He was my roommate. This year, I decided to move rooms. I don’t want to live with such people anymore.

Now, I feel like I’m still an introvert. I still can’t fight back. I still let people walk over me. But here’s what I know now:

“It’s not wrong to be gentle, but it is wrong to be powerless.”

I want power. I want the choice to fight — whether I use it or not. But I want to have it. That’s real freedom.

this is the original speech to text transcript :

So, my name is MD Sameer Razan, I am born in a muslim family, a middle class muslim family. You can say that initially we are lower middle class, then with time we are upgraded to higher middle class. But we are still middle class. I born in village like far away from city, thinking of city is like New York city, thinking of city means it's a very big city like London or something like that. My state is little bit more bad reputation around the whole country like I am from Bihar, India. Bihar has very bad reputation. In my home my father is three brother, my father is three brother and combined all we have seven sister and combined all three brother. I am seven sister and only one man or boy that is I am. I have no big brother, I have no small brother. I don't know but I always wanted to live alone. I don't know why but I think it's a natural thing to be alone or you are sidelined from society or you are not fully expressed yourself, that's kind of stuff. It's called introvert or it's forcibly introverted, I don't know. I don't know when I confused between like this introvert, extrovert is myth or not. Whenever I goes to school I sit alone, not sit alone with one friend but not a consistent one friend. I can't able to make a good friend, like heart by heart. Consistent one friend whether I have when I was one to fifth in class, somebody I sit with, somebody I don't like. When I coming from, going from bus, I sit down at the last alone in the bus seat. I don't want to engage anyone, I just want to like, I just want to like sit alone beside the window, bus window and see outer world, don't interact it, don't speaking, just in my perspective just leave me alone, I want to see the world, sitting. I don't know but I am far repelled from the girls, even girls don't like me, when I have not guts to interact with, I don't know why, why is this not confidence, why lacking, like it is normal to me, like I interact with boys also but with girls I am far repelled, I don't know but it's kind of societal thing. I did not openly participate in some sports in school or like lead, don't become, I don't become one to a leader or something, I just live with submissive, I just, you can say a nice guy type, always pleasing people, always want validation from other, always want to live under someone, this is the reality I have lived, 20 to 23, I was born on 16th of In Class 7th or something, I just got enrolled in DPS Sitamarhi Hostel where I have a consistent friend named Siddhjyoti. My other roommates are Vineet, Rajmohan, Munna, Raj, Adarsh, Anam Aftab, Ashish. Then I got in DAB, I recall the name of some student like Sivam Mukulanand, Richa Sivani. And in DPS Hostel, I can recall Sahil, Pintu, Anurag, Manish, Jolly Ma'am, Sobha Lakshmi Narayan, Soni Ma'am. Swati. And kind of all. Now this is something I have to talk about you know in fifth class I In sixth class I first watched porn and after that watching porn and something My senior guys showed me some porn star I don't know her name, but his people He Books are huge like a giant egg. I thought it was real, but it was not I thought it was real, but it was not After that I was watching role and after that watching clip I masturbated Then you are wondering like how I masturbated I masturbated and I masturbated like The friends some some of my friends in hostel teach me how how to masturbate we all gathered up around lunch in hostel Lunch time in hostel and we just get into bed, and we all masturbated at once That time I did not able to ejaculate I just got feeling of the I just got feeling of the how after masturbation And that was the initial starting of porn addiction, and I after that I masturbated So much time so much really so much time without even watching porn I love this was my last event and in hostel I lived like 70% of my openness and expression I express myself 70% but I am kind of flesh who lives in kinds of place a slave you can say and who wants to leave someone and that not Life lived fully It was not and after I once recalled a story like in I don't know when but sign up is Adi in my neighborhood cousin you can say It's her wedding So I it was story of my nani's home nani home They are my family and we are got into their wedding and we have my Just because of never we are a whole like managing things or something like so my home is locked for the day And they all are going to their home for wedding so I'm I came to home my home and just go to the roof and What happened is my my in my nani home like they eat mango and Just because of we have a large full body type you can say garden of mango Street So we have like abundant of mango. So we anytime we the the case eat and throw it on a Separate roof.

You can say we call it al pastor and after Mm-hmm. If they drive they will we will throw it somewhere It's kind of easy method. So So I just go to the roof and it's a hard sunny day I go to the roof and just stacking or just gathered all the mango seeds and Stacking line by line line by line line in a hard sunny day My mom came and say In a surprising way it's neat I really feared with my mom.

I Don't get down my mom is called I Don't know why I was doing that but I was doing it I getting pleasure of something like it being alone and doing that thing It's a kind of introversion of who forced lean to version by society. I don't After that After seventh class I I Come to my room as a purple my mother sifted to city We come to me as a purple and my father's left in Gulf countries. So almost my whole life.

I was lived without father almost You can say in a year one for one to two months my father's come Almost I will live without father even a fatherless son. Okay So it's kind of father mother. It's my mom mother and in my when I went to home, I just I will Just I have access to my phone internet so in my household they did not have phone or internet something like that So in my home, we have internet and phone access.

So I usually In that time internet was expensive. So I masturbated by watching models photo actress images or something like that Master better almost around daily to today today almost I was trapped in a feedback room Um Then I got enrolled in DPS was a purple school Where I was just smaller There are also I was living not a full life I was the kind of a skinny guy And kind of a skinny guy I have two sister I did not able to have our that courage to fight back of for some people if someone bully I Did not fight back Then life goes on goes on I start Becoming isolation in mother who I did not have any friend Some I did not have really a friends In a school I was isolated there are some mister and like Arden say it Suction or not a suction Sream I can recall some cocky type of string like planjal some manipulative like Angel Some you ego is useless ego is not I did not Discourage ego, but it's a kind of just He like a dogla comes a sort of There are some guy who are close to The eyes I will say like Okay, or something like that it in my mind profession that perception that time and In class it I was not a killer a friend cocky type of string. I'm on an ike type But in class 19th, I have a friend was named Reedham Raj That was a good friend and his friend at mine till now and sifshyoti is also was my friend He is friend till now Not we are not meeting that much, but it's a life You cannot meet all the time You have to go on the way This is my school I Want to draw for analogy here like when I was kid I feared my mom father Uncle Elders I feared there When I was a school I feared teacher when I was in college I feared also teacher when I had outside I feared gangster.

I was here I I Always feared not able to fight Now after 10th And now I am in college. I fear teacher Why I am fearing you if I want to do just disrespect you disrespect not why I am fearing too much It's not a life I want to How about how There's a coffee relation with my mom or with Propos that like they were I don't say they were like None of the Bobby relation I Did not able to like Have good relation in my family. It's a like a messed up We are living in her home, and they are treating like a second person Then I was gonna give a gram in class 10 Then I gave a gram in class 10 Then I get to the 11th.

I chose bio. I want I am believe that I want to be a doctor or something Just because my four son is taking Math so I want to oppose him like a jealousy or something you can because in family. He's my competitor So I get opposed and take math, but my one good advice I don't know good advice on all but one of my relative Says that he's take math to you can You can change my I have said bullshit fuck you.

I did not able to change my mind, but after 11 12th complete I I gave a neat exam when I where I got 129 out of 720 then I take a drop for the exam then I got 336 336 out of 720 then I change my mind and take maths and gave exam to Jay exam so I Give like I didn't know it. I think 86 percentile that was very less than Jay percent. Well, so I wasted two years One more thing I have Student this society Now I am 23 even almost say 23.

I am my original birthday. It is Blah blah, and no, I'm 23, but in original day and we In originality, I am 23, but in according to certificate and this is I am 21 So it's kind of pressurized me like I am 23. I'm not doing enough and they all are building or something like that What I have to what I have to do Then I got Not I got I chose some private college.

It's feels like 15 lakh 15 to 16 lakh It's a huge amount of money for my parents to stay calm So I got in first year I admit with some student like Sub some yes case of pretty Jay Taha One of them the best person I can pick from these are a tough He's not criticizing me for my goal. If I say I want to become a he say, okay you will just so how you do I If I saw other friend like how I want to be I want to be a million fuck you You don't able to make it. This is like cocky and they all are always like a sucking blood from like a mosquito In this I kind of reading I see the whole bunch of boys Just working with girls I'm kind of insecure with my dark ish game So I reading and dating stuff on internet it feels something like that And suction was like if you're cocky person who want to be dominant, but he's like a very Gutter person it's in my pursuit.

It's a better person. I did not like like one people If I will be king I can hang like in a second It's like if if someone is poor he like just Making fun of poor If he if someone is black He making fun of black saying black will do you are cursed to be black. You can never make it This type of thing It's a kind of study this This really does not affect me because I am dark or black person, but it's it's perspective.

So He was my roommate. So I want this year decided to leave him a roommate. So I did next year from I did not want to leave him a roommate So I decided to move to the next room and same day.

Yes He's a kind of good person, but a competitive if you say this but not a constructive. He's a destructive He wants own he wants to talk something like that I don't know about to leave someone so I decided to just pick another hostel one room where there is second seat room And random person will come I will accept What will be This is my story I feel like Currently I am one I'm also an introverted I For me, I want to make it clear. I did not able to make my Introverted or foresee introverted But i'm speechless or something.

I do not do not get up to my if someone bully me. I did not fight back or something But I think you should have power to fight back and then instead you want to choose or not fight or Not but you have to be powerful That's all you can and now Just tell me write in a article form Do not remove fluff Keep it Keep it do not remove it fluff. Keep it fluff And just give me two response one is original text and another one is just written in a professional way just don't remove my words or something Just don't just don't remove so much fluff.

Just make it in format Okay. Thank you chat

The Sam Verse

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📌 So here's your First Mission (30-60 Days):

✊ Build Inner Power – Strength, Boundaries, Self-Worth

🎯 PHASE 1: Foundational Habits (Start Immediately)

💡 GOAL of this phase:

📘 Resource to Read While Doing This:

✅ Summary:

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